One More Thing

Thank you all so much for sharing your delivery stories with me yesterday, whether c-section, vaginal or VBAC.  I appreciated hearing about all of the different ways you had approached this question, and I greatly appreciated the almost total lack of judgment expressed for the decisions that anyone makes on this topic.  While I'm still not ready to say for sure, I do think it helped bring me closer to making a decision.

I also wanted to mention that my only priority here is coming out the other end with a healthy baby and a healthy mama, period.  I just haven't quite made up my mind about the best path to take to that outcome.  And that yes, I do understand that if I decide on a VBAC it is no guarantee that I won't end up with another c-section anyway, but the reminder of reality was good anyway.

One more question on the whole thing.  Well, lots more questions, but one more question for now.

The one thing I did sort of miss in having a scheduled cesarean with Mia is that I never went into labor.  I never felt a single contraction, I never counted them or timed them or called my OB in a panic to find out what to do.  I never put a gentle hand on Chris's arm, gave him a meaningful look, and said "Honey, it's time."  I have this idea in my head that I want to have that experience, those moments, that surprise of waiting and waiting and waiting for the baby to come and then realizing that it's now, it's coming.

But I've never done it.  So I was wondering if those of you who have could tell me, is it worth it?  I mean, big-time worth it?  Is it anything to base a decision on, or am I just romanticizing a painful and frightening and inconvenient time that I may as well skip, all other things being equal?

Comments

[jodi]

It's realy not all that. In fact, I think a schedule might be nice w/ a 2nd child. I was so worried about what we would do with our dog w/ issues that I'd prbably be freaking out w/ what to do w/Michael.

I kinda have had the best of both worlds. I was scheduled for an induction due to pre-eclampsia and went into labor at 4 that morning. I did have that, I think we should go to the hopital moment, but since we were prepared to go anyway, it wasn't such a big deal.

[RossRuns]

Let's see.

Wife's water broke at 11 AM. After being told by the Dr. that she WASN'T having the baby, we went out to dinner while she counted contractions. By 11 PM she was writhing in pain in bed during each contraction but trying to hold off on going to the hospital so she wouldn't be doing the same thing but in a less comfortable place.

At 1 AM, we finally drove to the hospital, where she writhed in pain until about 5 AM, when they finally gave her some medication in her IV. She got some sleep for the first time in about 24 hours, and then was in more pain until the epidural was administered mid-day. After waiting/pushing until 6PM, they finally took her into the OR for an emergency c-section.

I think if you asked her, she'd say experiencing "the experience" is a load of hooey, and that there are more important things to spend your time experiencing (like resting in the recovery room with your baby in your arms). Or maybe that's my subconscious talking, angry that I had to watch her suffer in pain for so long when it just ended in a c-section anyway.

[Phoenix]

I was in labor for 72 hours before my water broke (lots of contractions, all of them roughly about 5 minutes apart, but the hospital turned me away each night). It broke at 5:23 am. I woke up to a HUGE contraction and then bam. I turned to Chris and said, "HA! They have to keep me now!" I'll never forget those moments. The rest of my labor was not nice (thats a story I should write about), but those memories help to balance the bad.

[Kathy]

It's worth it, but it's not worth it big time in my opinion. My water broke with my first child, but I didn't have contractions until they started me on Pitocin. I turned down the offer of an epidural because I wanted to experience labor. Whoa! I decided to take them up on that offer of an epidural. I ended up having an emergency c-section, so I had a little bit of everything.

I decided on a VBAC with my second pregnancy, and I went into labor in the middle of the night, but I had to hold out for the babysitter which meant going across town in rush hour traffic with strong contractions (I think that I may have called my husband some very rude names to try to get him to HURRY UP!) I had to have another c-section anyway.

The rational side of me says to tell you "don't do it!" - the labor really wore me out, and I ended up with a c-section anyway. There is a part of me that understands exactly why you want to experience labor, but I can also say that I had a planned c-section for my last child, and it was so nice to go to the hospital rested and pain free. The romantic part of labor wore off quickly for me.

I just wrote a long comment, and I didn't say anything, did I??

[Leah]

It would have been a lot more fun and interesting if it hadn't been on the ONE DAY that meant my husband would have to miss the birth.

That being said, for a lot of women, contractions aren't really THAT bad. Don't assume that it's going to be the most painful thing you ever experience. I labored at home until I was 7cm and then went to the hospital and it was nowhere near as bad as kidney stones. I didn't even start whimpering through the contractions until I Was at almost 9. So don't sell yourself short b/c of the pain.

That being said, every woman is different, etc. That was just my own experience.

[Beth's Mom]

Well, as the doctor who delivered you said to me before we knew I would have a section, at a time when I thought I desperately wanted to go completely au naturel with no pain medication at all, "Chloroform was invented for childbirth. There was no surgery at that time. Women thought chloroform was the greatest invention in the history of the world, and why women want to reject painkillers now is completely beyond me."

You will notice I had the second C-section without a second thought. Labor was not that much fun; in fact, it was not fun for me, your dad, or your grandparents, and I am SURE it was not fun for the hospital staff who listened to me screaming for eight solid hours. Oh, and I was begging for pain relief after about the fifth contraction.

I would feel differently about this if my labor has progressed and I had not been in exhausted agony for approximately 16 hours making no headway whatsoever. All that pain was for nothing in the end.

The experience? Let's just say that the experience of being your and your brother's mother has been my life's greatest joy, and I have always been greatful we lived in an age and a country where women have childbirth alternatives.

On the other hand, if everything looks good for the VBAC, and you really, really want to do this, go for it.

We don't have to schedule airline tickets, and neither do Chris's parents, so one way or the other, Mia will be well cared for. That is one concern you can put aside.

[Beth's Mom]

Of course I know how to spell grateful. My sore foot is making me forgetful!

[Mary]

At first I was going to say that the whole contractions/going into labor wasn't really all that. But then I started remembering when I went into labor and realized I have fond memories of that day.

I was asleep in bed and woke to a contraction at 3am. I thought it was no big deal and just laid in bed till 4am when another one hit me and I finally woke my hubby and told him. We still thought it was no big deal until my water broke a minute later. And I turned in bed and said to him "umm I think my water just broke." So we got up, got all excited and grabbed my bag and left for the hospital at 4:30am. Yea, I didn't deliver until 8:55 that night. And I was in terrible pain before they finally, finally got around to giving me the drugs.

Anyway, I don't think it's something that you need to base your decision on, but I know that I would have missed that whole experience. Oh and of course it worked out nicely for me that my water broke at home and not when I was out somewhere. Then I might have been horrified and would pobably have a different opinion of the whole thing!

[farfromca]

I am not sure if it is worth it. I mean, it is just one of those things that I thought, "this is part of the whole wonderful process.. of course I want to go through it" but, after about 2 hours, you think, what the heck, let's skip all this and get the kid out! Again, I had drugs, so that was nice. :) hard to say if it is worth for sure, but i would tend to say no... just in that the part you remember and the part that you think and talk about when it all said and done is the actual birth, not the piddly contractions.

[Cassandra]

I was about to fall asleep on a Saturday night when I gave a small cough and my water broke. I called to my husband and he rushed in carrying the sandwich he had just made as a midnight snack. I said, "My water just broke." He said, "Um...ok, that's great! Do I have time to finish my sandwich?"

So the whole "it's time, honey" moment you're looking for may be anticlimactic anyway :)

[Joanne]

I had both - going into labor and being in labor, and then a c-section. I never said 'honey, it's time', because by the time I thought it was time I was *much* more freaked out than that. I'd like to not have a c-section this time, but if there is any chance that I might, I think I might go scheduled. I have seriously never been so tired in my LIFE after all that.

[Tessie]

I often hear my friends who've had C-sections say this and I would never dismiss someone's emotional need to have a certain experience, but I would have to say that IMO physical labor is overrated (I had an "accidental" natural delivery-no time for drugs--WHICH I TOTALLY WANTED).

The chances of having the "water-breaking-its-time" thing happen to you in the first place are slim, and even if it did as second time parents it's not really the thrill it would have been the first time. Plus for a lot of women it's unpredictable, confusing, frustrating, painful, etc.

That sort of sounds Debbie Downer and I didn't mean for it to. Totally go for it if you want, although I guess my point is that I agree with the other commenters who said it's anticlimactic and/or overrated.

[Christina]

I cannot offer much in this regard - I was induced. I was due on the 4th and actually gave birth on the 19th.

I never had Braxton Hicks contractions (which should have been a good indicator that my son was no in the right position but I SO wanted that natural birth I was willing to over look it at the time...) and I do not know what it feels like to have my water break
naturally.

I can tell you (since I opted to just have the contractions induced with cervadil - I was going to try for a "natural birth" which did not happen since my little baby somehow ended up turning despite all indicators that he was in the right position...) that contractions are painful and not fun. It is a messy, painful, screaming affair with sweat, and throw up and did I mention the pain?! That is why so many women opt for an epidural. It is hard work to give birth vaginally with nothing to assist with the pain.

Is it worth it? It all depends on what that means to you, right?

I mean if & when we decide to have a 2nd babe I am going to hope for a natural birth again. I like the idea of no drugs and the pain because it makes me real and human. That is how women have been giving birth for hundreds of years (and still do in some parts of the world)

BUT I will once again opt to have the baby in a hospital SO if something does go wrong they (the nurses/docs/midwife) can help to ensure that I (we) end up with a healthy baby and mommy.

Sorry for the long post...

[chatty cricket]

If you want to run around your house at three o'clock in the morning flapping your hands in panic and alternately crying and laughing while your husband tries to gauge a way to whisk you away in the car to the place with all of the epidurals and trained professionals, then I'd highly recommend the "going into labor at home" strategy.

Although, even if you do schedule a c-section, you still may get to go into labor at home if the babe decides waiting two extra days simply isn't worth it (happened to same SIL).

[MamaLee]

I was in labor with my son for 12 hours - and I could give you horrid details. He got stuck at 5cm, took his ball, and wanted to go home. I had him via c-section, and after that horrific day, I barely remember the birth.

A year later, I scheduled a section for the birth of my daughter. And a year after that, I scheduled my 2nd daughters birth via section. The births of my daughters were MUCH less dramatic, but so wonderful. My girls were not stressed at birth as my son was.

I think we never really know if we are going to have an easy labor or birth with each baby - births, babies are all different. I know it's a personal decision, for sure. I have SO much respect for women who give birth naturally. I don't think I missed out by having 3 kids with a little help.

Ultimately, I think we all do what's best to insure, in our hearts and minds, a healthy birth, and a healthy baby.

[ckirby50]

I had 20 hours of labor with R and then a c-section and it was not the romanticized version you dream about or see on television. With the twins, I was in labor and didn't even know it until the the on-call doctor told me it was time for the c-section. I guess there are "bragging rights" to it, if you are into that kind of thing. But really, if I were to do it again, scheduled c-section all the way!

[jessica]

Labor really hurts.

Um, badly.

I had an emergency c section. If I ever had another kid (which I won't) I'd try for a vbac but I'd get the epidural, so just in case a c section is needed I'd be ready.

[stacielb]

My sis and I just talked about this yesterday after reading your post. She had section I had vaginal. I was telling her it was no big deal to do it her way, not that she had a choice. Kind of like everyone is saying, the pain is overrated. But then she pointed out that after Isabel was born I got to hold her in my arms for a long time (intead of just kiss on the head while she was strapped to the table) and just sit and gaze in wonder. I fell asleep and then David got to hold her for over an hour before they took her for her bath and tests. I think he would tell you that it was one of the most incredible moments of his entire life. I had back labor for 2 days and got stuck and needed pitocin. But it really is not that bad, if it was I would not be willing to do it all over again. I passed kidney stones twice, that is worse.

Anyway, if you are longing for an experience, go with your gut and give it a try. You never know and you will never say what if. If you don't want to VBAC then don't feel bad. We moms find too many things to feel guilty about as it is. No need to add more.

[Shelly]

I think you're romanticizing it a bit, which I totally get. I looked forward to that part of my pregnancy, too, but then at the end sort of lived in fear of how exactly would I know when I was in labor, what if I called the doctor too early, what if I called the doctor too late, etc. In the end of course it all worked out. I know it's different for everyone, but for me labor wasn't all that bad (I had an epidural though). In all, I'm glad I have the "honey, it's time" part of our birth story, but as you already know, the most important detail is the perfect baby you'll have.

[SK]

I went into labor 3 days past my due date. I was at work, and I was having lots of little contractions about 5 minutes apart. Nothing that kept me from driving or working or anything, but after lunch, I figured I'd go home while I could still drive.

I went home and took a nap, and a bath and watched a movie, timing my contractions. They were about a minute apart for several hours, but weren't painful. I was pretty excited at this point.

My husband got home from work around 6 (I'd called him earlier, but told him it wasn't urgent for him to come home). I called the doctor after he got home. They said I could go to the hospital, so we did. It was about 7pm.

They sent us home, and told me to walk. They told me not to come back until the pain was so great that I couldn't take it anymore. The contractions were just getting painful when we left the hospital.

We got home around 9:30, and we walked around our neighborhood for about an hour. Then I sent my husband to bed until I got to where I couldn't stand the pain anymore. It was about 3am.

We went back to the hospital, and they let me stay. The time after that was a blur of tiredness and pain and puking (no one warned me about the puking) until I got my epidural.

Then I napped in between the cervix checks until they noticed my son's distress and I got my emergency c-section. It was about 3pm by then.

I understand what you mean about the excitement of going into labor. I'm think for me, the excitement stemmed from finally having my baby, not so much from the labor part. I think I would have been equally as excited about knowing I had a c-section planned in the morning.

[Angela]

I totally understand what you are feeling. I had a vaginal birth with my son, but I was induced and didn't get to experience going into labor either. Missing out on that excitement was the reason that I was so hesitant to schedule the induction in the first place because for all I know, this could be my only pregnancy.

This isn't much help for you, but I just wanted to tell you that I totally get where you are coming from.

[Kellyology]

I think it would have been worth it for number one, but with number 2 it was just too complicated for me. I had the schedule, I had relatives coming in to watch my oldest, and I had a schedule! (If you haven't already figured it out, I really like schedules...) And when my water broke one week before the scheduled c-section with my second, I had to find last minute child care, deal with the fact that the MIL would see how we really lived when she finally did arrive 3 days later, get over the fact that the husband would be feeding my oldest fast food because I hadn't prepared for the 5 days I was out of the house, etc. For me, the second surprise was not worth it. I don't know...it just doesn't seem that practical the 2nd time around. But of course I'm one of those gals who prefers the practical over the romantic any day.

[B]

Gentle hand on Chris? Honey, it's time?

Try, "SLOW THE F DOWN YOU ARE GOING TO KILL US!" and "DAMN IT, LET ME DRIVE. I CAN DO BETTER IN FULL LABOR THAN YOU." and my favorite, "YOU SUCK."

[Traci]

Um, for my first born I had 20+ hours of induced labor with contractions so bad they made me hyperventilate. (Did you know they really do make you breathe into a paper bag?)

Did I miss not having a single contraction the second time around because it was a scheduled c-section. Hell no!

The point? I certainly understand your desire to experience some of the typical things that sort of get romanticized. But in the end - as you already said - it's all about a healthy baby and healthy momma.

[mamacrow]

1st birth was long, incredabily painful, I was in the hospital for 24 plus hours and I HATE HATE HATE hospitals. I had NO trust in any of the staff, I had NO idea what was going on, or what to ask for/disagree with etc, I was totally freaked out and out of my head on drugs and gass and air and I am NEVER NEVER NEVER doing that again!!!!
Mind you, there was only a tiny tear, and it was a straight forward unassisted delivery - boy was I knackered and out of my tree though.

2nd birth - did lots of reading and prep. (no not the classes - that just WASN'T for me. internet and library, alternate 'natural birth' stuff') I got a bit freaked out by the 'stop start' pre labour contraction sessions in the weeks leading up, but when it came to the event, I was in my own home, the attendent midwifes were lovely, they got me in the bath which was my dream but I didn't think was possible - and just when I got to the point where I felt I needed to discuss drugs, he arrived!
The main difference? Being at home, and it only being 6 hours or so - much more realistically managable as compaired to 48!!!

Since then each birth has been more - enjoyable, honestly! the 2nd, 3rd and 4th have all been at home, in the bath, no drugs.

The fourth was the best - I had read a great book in pregnancy called 'Consciously Female'. Can't remember the author, but do google it, it's on the web. There was no screaming, no swearing, and I could give my midwife a running commentary of exactly what was happening - I was even smiling and laughing with my husband at one point (no, no drugs!) We did have to pop into hospital afterwards and stay overnight (we're 10mins away if that) as his core temparature dropped, and I even remained calm and happy throughout that - and it didn't adversly efect bonding or feeding either!

I guess once you've had one birth (without complications) it does just get easier?

My due date on bump number 5 is today, I just hope I'm not tempting fate with all of the above!!!